How to Build Trust in a Relationship
Being in a relationship with someone feels great, but it also requires effort. Trust is an incredibly important aspect of both romantic and platonic relationships. Without trust, you can’t fully be yourself, and that will show. Today, we’ve collected a few pieces of advice for you to help build trust in an online/offline relationship.
Take it slow
This may be a widespread answer to most relationship questions, but there’s a reason it’s used so often. Whether you’re forming a platonic or romantic relationship with someone, you can’t expect them to trust you immediately.
Let’s say you met through a platform like Twitter or Discord. Even though you may enjoy talking to each other, you’re still practically strangers from one another. When you want to build trust, you must take the time to get to know each other.
Ask them about their interests, dreams, and what kind of pet they prefer. Share your thoughts and encourage them to do the same but respect their boundaries. After a while, you’ll notice that you slowly start telling each other more profound ideas and secrets. Then, you’ve established enough trust to go further.
What are you looking for in a relationship?
While you may hit it off really well, there is always a chance that this person is not who you’re looking for or the other way around. Therefore, it’s helpful if you discuss your ideal relationship. If you’re looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, while the other is just looking for a casual relationship or friendship, you are not compatible. While this incompatibility isn’t a problem in the short term, it can cause trust issues later on in your relationship. How would you feel if you know your current partner doesn’t want to spend the rest of their lives with you?
This result doesn’t mean that you should break off contact immediately, but it will help you to put things into perspective. You could re-evaluate your position and decide to stay friends, break off contact (mutually), or to go for it anyway. The choice is yours.
Talk about your shared values
We live in a very political world. While this may not be a problem for some, others prefer to be on the same page when it comes to morals and values. If you meet someone, especially when you’ve met online, you are still unfamiliar with their personal values.
If you want to prevent any unwanted surprises, it’s wise to open a conversation about your personal morals and values and ask them to do the same. When you find common ground or shared values, it will only strengthen your bond. When you find some differences between the two of you, it will allow you to think about the importance of those values to you.
Remember, values don’t have to be political only. This advice also counts for themes as having children (do you want children? Why/why not?), boundaries in relationships (is kissing cheating? Are you monogamous or polygamous?), and more.
Talk about your family
Family can be a sensitive issue to some, while others share everything with their siblings or parents. Talking about your relationship with your family reveals another side of you, many friends or partners may not (yet) know about.
Of course, you don’t immediately need to talk about aunt Karen’s Hemorrhoids, but you can talk about why you like/dislike hanging out with a particular family member, how your relationship with your parents/siblings is, and what your family does during the holidays. Sharing personal life stories is one of the keys to mutual trust in any relationship, use this opportunity.
Meet up in public
If you met in real life, then this piece of advice won’t be of much use, but it can be helpful nonetheless. When you’re getting to know someone, you eventually want to be able to see them and maybe even hug them. Meeting up in public allows you to be in a safe environment while still being ready to hang out. You can look at your friend’s or partner’s face as they are talking and see little quirks they have. Being able to see their body language will also help you to identify whether their stories are true.
If you’ve never met someone before, make sure you meet up in public only. It may be really inviting to meet up at home, or somewhere secluded, but there are always some ill-intending people roaming around the internet. Public spaces offer safety and support. It’s also important to let your family or friends know where you will be and what you are going to do.
Be reliable
Even if there’s already trust between the two of you, you still need to maintain it. There are plenty of people out there who flake on others, lie, don’t show up, etc. When you want to create or maintain trust, you need to be reliable. This means that if you pick a date to hang out, you need to show up or let them know at least 2hrs in advance that you can’t make it.
It also means that if they ask you for help, you’re there to help them. Lastly, if you did something wrong, you need to own up to it. Withholding information breaks bonds too, so to be reliable, you need to face the facts and tell them the truth. It will hurt, but it will be better in the long term.
Building trust is easier said than done, but it is gratifying once you’ve established a strong bond. Follow the above tips to get started. While the suggestions are now directed at you, they are also applicable to the other person. If they break your trust, you have all the right to be angry or to break contact. Mutual trust goes both ways.